ninasdreams | No Way Out (Oneshot)

Title: No Way Out
Pairing: slight Riku/Sora or just friendship if you want
Rating: PG
Warning: intense angst
Disclaimer: obviously don't own Kingdom Hearts or its characters. The song "No Way Out" is all Phil Collins.
Summary: Riku reflects on whether or not he deserves to have a normal life. Set post KH2.

No Way Out

Everywhere I turn, I hurt someone
But there's nothing I can say to change
the things I've done
Of all the things I hid from you
I cannot hide the shame
And I pray someone, something will come
to take away the pain

I stood away from the others, leaning against the wall just watching and brooding. I did a lot of that lately. I don’t know why I came. Kairi was having a party at her house before summer ended and school started up again. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a bad party, I just…can’t enjoy it like everyone else. I don’t seem to enjoy anything anymore. No matter where I look or what I do, I can’t stop remembering how easily I betrayed them and turned my back on all my friends and family…and Sora. I sigh as the thoughts resurface, choking away any hope of enjoying the party. Giving up, I head for the front door, not even bothering to say goodbye to anyone.

There's no way out of this dark place
No hope, no future
I know I can't be free
But I can't see another way
I can't face another day

The wind hits me as I leave the shelter of Kairi’s home and begin aimlessly walking down the beach, the sound of everyone laughing at Wakka’s jokes soon drowned out by the wind’s howling. It’s storm season on the islands, but I don’t really care…the turmoil matches my soul right now. I can’t go back home, my mom will just ask me a bunch of questions. Why am I not with my friends? Why don’t I just relax? Why do I seem so different lately? Can she do anything to help? Some questions I don’t want to answer…and some I just can’t. I soon find myself standing on the island with the Paopu tree, the place where my journey and my decent into darkness began.

Tell me where, did I go wrong
Everyone I loved, they're all gone
I'd do everything so differently
but I can't turn back the time
There's no shelter from the storm
inside of me

It’s been four months since Sora and I stepped through the door to light together, leaving that dark beach far behind us. Kairi and Sora have adjusted to life back on DestinyIslands quickly…especially Sora. Despite all he’s been through, the new glint of maturity and the slight dim of the childish innocence in his eyes, his heart remains as radiant and kind as ever. Sora is still Sora. But I can’t do it, I can’t settle back into life the way they have. I’ve done so many things wrong, so many unforgivable things…the shame, the regret, and especially the guilt plague me every minute of every single day. I can see it when Kairi looks at me with that sad smile, and Sora…I remember the times when we were closer than brothers. Now he’s distant, fearful. I see the shiver that goes through him when he’s around me, and I know that I have no one to blame but myself. I betrayed him worst of all and sometimes the pain of that truth is overbearing. Sometimes I just feel like they would both be better off without me. Sometimes it’s like I can’t keep going.

I can't believe the words I hear
It's like an answer to a prayer
When I look around I see
This place, this time, this friend of mine

The storm gets stronger as I stand on the edge of the PaopuIsland, gazing at the dark ocean raging around me and DestinyIsland. The waves crash viciously against the side of the smaller island, the water much higher and wilder than usual due to the tempest around me. The wind is picking up, one particular gust almost knocking me off balance. I guess I should turn back and go home, but something about the raging ocean holds me where I stand. Three things happen at once. I hear someone yell “Riku?!” behind me, causing me to whirl around in surprise as a burst of wind caused me to loose my footing and fall backwards into the raging waters below. I make contact with the water hard and feel every bit of oxygen leave my body in a rush. I automatically inhale…and start panicking as salt water rushes in instead of life-giving oxygen. I try to reach the surface but I’m too disoriented and black spots are starting to appear before me. My arms and legs stop moving as the waves carry me farther away from the islands. Maybe it’s better if I just let go and let the storm wash away the pain, I think as the blackness takes me. Maybe this is the only way.

………

“Riku!”

I can hear someone calling me, but I can’t move or respond. Am I dead? I feel so numb, like my whole world is nothing but blinding white. Can I finally let go of all my pain? Will all of the shame and guilt finally disappear?

“Riku…Riku please wake up!”

That voice sounds so familiar. Sora?

“Please Riku. We need you…I need you.”

Sora…needs me? I thought he was afraid of me. I thought he hated me.

I try to reach out to his voice, try to open my eyes.

“Please come back…”

Slowly the numbness and the white fade away as my eyes respond, sluggishly opening…

I know it’s hard but you
found somehow
To look into your heart and
to forgive me now
You've given me the strength to see
just where my journey ends
You've given me the strength
to carry on

Pain is the first thing I feel as I roll over and cough up what seems like gallons of salt water. “S-Sora?” I manage before another cough racks my body. I can feel him supporting my weak body, just barely keeping me from collapsing in the sand. He helps me stand once I stop coughing, and I finally look to see his sky blue eyes. They’re red and puffy, and I can see the tears still running down his cheeks. Only now do I realize that he’s soaked to the bone, although it’s not raining yet. “You-You saved me?” I rasp, as we slowly make our way down the beach.

“I came after you when I realized you were gone from Kairi’s house. I saw you on our island and called out…you fell into the water and didn’t surface,” he said his voice hitching on the last part. “I managed to get you out, but you weren’t breathing. I-I thought I’d lost you.”

I look away clenching my eyes shut. “After what I did…you should have just let me go.”

“What?! Riku you can’t still…I’d never–”

“I betrayed you,” I tell him weakly. “The things I did were unforgivable…Kairi even knows it. I can see it in your eyes, you’re afraid of me–”

“How can you think that? I’m not afraid of you, I’m afraid of losing you!”

“But–”

“There’s nothing to forgive, we all make mistakes. Even if there was, I could never stay angry at you. You’re too important to me. And I guarantee that Kairi feels the same!”

Is it possible? Could he really mean that?

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Sora admits. “You’re just as much my light as Kairi, maybe even more. I need you.”

I see the path from this dark place
I see my future
Your forgiveness has set me free
On and I can see another way
I can face another day!

He really means what he’s saying. He really does forgive me. Maybe…I just have to forgive myself. “Sora?” I say quietly.

“Yeah, Riku?”

“Thank you.”

And there’s that bright smile. “I traveled from world to world, fought against countless Nobodies and Heartless, all to find you. I’m not going to abandon you now that I’ve finally found you again. You, Riku, are stuck with me until the very end!”

I see the path, I can see the path
I see the future
I see the path from this dark place
I see the future

Maybe…just maybe, I can let the past go and look to the future. Perhaps I can face the present and the people in it waiting with open arms. Perhaps there really is always a light in the darkness. And my light is Sora.

I see the path, I can see the path
I see the future